CAN YOU EVEN BELIEVE I LIVE IN THE SAME UNIVERSE AS THESE CREATURES?!?!?

HA-CHA-CHA-CHA!

All I have to do is drop about 40lbs, and join the circus, and I should be a pro at walking in these shoes, right?!?!

NO MORE TEARS!!!

Sorry for the melodramatic post last night...I think it was the full moon (not to get all hippy on y'all)
PLEASE JOIN ME IN EXPLORING MY LATEST FASCINATION:

whine (the boring kind, not the sexy dancin' kind)

I haven't been able to shake this gloomy feeling that's been sticking around lately.
My life is wicked, yet I can't help but walk around with this sour-ass look on my face.
Everyone is doing their best job of pissing me off, which makes me feel like an even bigger bitch than I'm already meaning to be!
All I want is shit I don't have. BUT I DON'T NEED MORE SHIT! I'M TRYING TO GET RID OF SHIT!
JUST THINKING ABOUT IT - MAKES ME WANT MORE SHIT

This post is brought to you by the girl who just ate her feelings while watching re-runs of The Hills.
SOMEONE TELL ME TO GET OVER MYSELF ALREADY!!!

WHOEVER STOLE THIS MASTERPIECE OFF MY BIKE YESTERDAY WILL DIE A SLOW AND HORRIBLE DEATH!!!!!!!!!!

FOR SHAME!!!!!!!

Etiquette to consider while aboard public transit

1. If you're visiting from abroad, and are socializing with one of your fellow countrymen on public transit, maybe you would be kind enough to keep your conversation from veering into how much you hate the city you're currently visiting?!
It doesn't bother me that your boring-ass hates Toronto...maybe you can just be polite enough to remember that you're still IN Toronto!
BAD MOUTH US ALL YOU WANT ONCE YOU'RE GONE!! JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE NOT ON THE TTC, DURING MORNING RUSH HOUR!!
I LOVE THIS CITY, AND I HATE HEARING HOW AN INGRATE LIKE YOU HATES IT!!!! GO HOME!!!!!!!!!!!


2. Speaking of rush hour - I understand, IT'S PACKED!!
But maybe now isn't the optimal time to finish that article on page C12 of the Toronto Star. DON'T UNFURL THAT SHIT WHEN IT'S NOSE TO NOSE ON THE STREETCAR!! Wait until you have a roomy seat to yourself. All I know, is that I certainly don't want prominent newsprint on my cheek when I walk into work this morning.


3. Maybe chatting to your Rogers Communications representative on speaker phone isn't necessary while you're on a packed streetcar? Do you really need to hear the kind of deals they're offering on home phones AT THIS EXACT MOMENT!?!?
Word of advice - shouting your SIN number into your phone, and then having her confirm it (all the while on speaker phone) isn't all that wise.
Pete Cole SIN number 256 452 337 HERE I COME!!!

PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!


I have this weird affinity for tiny horses, and when I heard news of the TINIEST pony - my world turned upside down!!
Here is a montage of my favourite pint-sized horses:

Dreaming of you on a Sunday

P.S.

DEM LADY SHOES I WAS MENTIONING EARLIER:

Gripe Central

a) My ass hurts from biking to and from work!
b) I have split ends!
c) I want a morning where I don't have to be anywhere until noon!
d) Friend-making (as an adult) is hard work, and I am a mere amateur!
e) Is there a switch (unbeknownst to me) that makes working out fun?
f) All of my "lady shoes" give me blisters!

On the flip side though:

a) Biking to and from work is less horrendous than taking the streetcar with suits (and I get to wear my sweet chrome helmet)!
b) Now that I have long flowing locks, I no longer get mistaken for a member of the opposite sex (I have many stories...speak up if you want me to recount them)!
c) Complaining about all the hours you have to work is essentially bragging that you have a job, and that is inconsiderate to those not so fortunate - WHADDASHOWOFF!!!
d) My friend roster is healthy, and happily packed with some of the finest people put on this planet. I am super lucky to have the buds I have <3 APPLICATIONS ARE STLL BEING ACCEPTED! NO COMPUTER NERDS OR FANS OF THE OC PLEASE!
e) Complaining about all of your sore, and bulging muscles is better than complaining about the German Sheppard sized gut that wasn't there last summer, right?
f) IT'S SO WORTH IT!!!!!!!!

I HOPE IT'S IN 3D!!??!?

ANGER MANAGEMENT

I'm rocketed back to my high school career (HEY DUDES - remember me!??!?! didn't think so), yet I'm so excited that this new Deftones album IS GOING TO SLAY MY SUMMER!!!!!

Deftones - Diamond Eyes (Official)

Deftones | MySpace Music Videos

Kegstands, and ill-fitting denim shorts: WHO'S WITH ME!?!?!??!?!?!?!!

P.S.
Mr. Marino,
May I be the first to congratulate you on your debloating methods as of late.
You have, and will always be a total stud.
Yours,
PIZZA LUVR

The return of Sloth Friday!!!

Automobills

Blast back to a week or so ago, when I was yammering on about how much I enjoyed online shopping....well I have to curtail my habit before it gets even more out of control!!!!
Over the past few days, I have purchased:

a sweater clip


a pair of espadrilles


weirdo ebay auction for someone other than myself (SNOOZER!)

I arrive home after a long day at work, having just walked allllll the way home down Queen Street, without buying "A SINGLE THING!" I'm thinking to myself - I definitely deserve to buy myself something off the internet!
I'm also finding that as soon as I sell something off my etsy site (BUY MY CRAP!!!!!), that justifies my online splurges even more!!
"Why worry?! I GOT PLENTY UH CHEESE IN MY PAYPAL ACCOUNT!"
Someone please introduce me to a hobby that doesn't require spending money frivolously on things I'm going to wear to the office, and have my coworkers laugh at (they're dyyyyying for me to build up enough courage to wear the turban I bought a few weeks ago)

The day the world got a pimple...

WOULD YOU LOOK AT THIS MASTERPIECE?!
Maybe I should install a paypal button on this thing, and one by one, y'all could just plunk a $20, and soon enough - it'd be miiinnneeee....WHADDAYASAY?!?!?

At work yesterday, not one, but TWO people complimented on my "beautiful skin tone," and how they wish they had been blessed with a babies bum for a face.
Although I was flattered, and blown away that I'd fooled at least two people, bright and early on a Saturday - I couldn't help but think back to the HOURS I used to sit in the dermatologist's waiting room, as a teenager with the mess that was my face.
I had HORRIBLE (AND I'M NOT JUST SAYIN' HORRIBLE FOR THE SAKE OF SOUNDING DRAMATIC) skin.
Luckily, my parents took note of my red, irritated face, and signed me up for the outdoorsmen's worst enemy - acutane.
Every chance I could get, I loved being outside. Riding horses, evading housework - you name it, I WAS OUTSIDE!
But the moment I started taking acutane, if I were to be outside for more than 20 minutes, it meant being remarkably sunburned for the next week or so.
Now thankfully, I didn't suffer from any of the other side effects they warn you about. The big one being depression.
But when you ask a 17 year tomboy to trade in her t-shirt and shorts, for something a bit more Grey Gardens - I WAS PISSED.

But that isn't the worst of it all.

Picture this if you will:
Less than a month to go of your last year as a high school student.
Pretty sweet, huh? I bet you're looking forward to P-R-O-M!!!!!!!!
An idea popped into my mom's head the afternoon before prom.
"Wouldn't Alexis' self-confidence benefit from a having her eyebrows waxed before heading off for the most important evening of her young life??"
I went along with it.
Sitting in the esthetician's chair, I wasn't all that nervous.
She applied the hot wax, and prepped me for the dull pain that was to follow.
"1-2-3....OOHHHH MYYYY GGAAAWWWDDDDDDDDD"

Turns out that waxing isn't such a great idea when you're on acutane, as your skin isn't all that strong from all the weird shit being deposited into your body.
So off came about 4 layers of eyebrow skin, and I had everyone at the salon looking in my direction.
"Wow...I must look pretty hot - everyone is FLIPPING OUT over my eyebrows!!!"
Perhaps it was the blood that was accummulating just above my eyes.
It wasn't until I looked at the esthetician that I knew something was up.
"ARE YOU ON ANY KIND OF MEDICATION, HONEY!!?!?!?" she shouted.
"Oh, you know...just acutane"
LESSON LEARNED.
Needless to say, prom sucked.
All the concealer, and foundation in the world couldn't cover the fresh wounds I know had above each eye.
I considered wearing sunglasses, but realized I wasn't cool enough to make it seem like I was just trying to be different.

IMMABETAKINTHOSECOMPLIMENTARYSKINTONECOMMENTSNOWTHANKYOU!!!

EASTER (SLOTH) SUNDAY!!!!!!!

An ode to my two new favourite blogs....

Ever find yourself with nothing to do on a Sunday afternoon?!
That's when I take to the internet, and find beautifully crafted blogs that have me staring at my computer screen for HOURS.
Truth be told, I probably troll more than two dozen fashion blogs that're put together by extremely talented young women all over the world, and I rarely comment on how much I gain from their daily posts.


http://msvintagevirgin.blogspot.com/
This girl is drop dead gorgeous, and puts together outfits that make my "OHMYGODITS8:30AMANDIHAVETOLEAVETHEHOUSEIN3MINUTES" creations weep in comparison.


http://blonde-bedhead.blogspot.com/
I HAVE NEVER SEEN MORE BEAUTIFUL HAIR THAN THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been in "gotta have a garage sale" mode for quite some time now, and I think I'm coping with getting rid of a bunch of my crap by looking online, and admiring everyone elses stuff!
Since as long as I can remember, whenever I'm around a local newspaper, I jump for the classified section, and scope out when and where the best garage sales are going to be (because only the ones stocked with the best loot advertise, DUH!!!)....I CAN ALREADY SENSE THAT 2010 IS GOING TO BE ONE OF MY BEST HAUL YEARS YET!!!! (as well as the best year to say goodbye to some of my old treasures that need a new home!)

I've taken a bunch of photos for my etsy site, and I've been on the lookout for more embroidered purses (who knew that those were the big ticket item that everyone was after?!?!)
I'll probably update the site on Monday morning, so be sure to take a look!!