Why must the gods frown on someone who's adored by teens worldwide?!?!?!

The rumors are true: this fall, Alice In Chains will be joined by special guests Deftones and Mastodon on BlackDiamondSkye, a monolithic triple bill that is guaranteed to be the hottest ticket of the fall touring season. The rollicking roadshow, produced by Live Nation, launches September 16 at the Charter One Pavilion in Chicago, Illinois. Tickets go on sale in select markets beginning May 15 at Blackdiamondskye.com and LiveNation.com. Fan club pre-sale begins May 10 for select dates. Check Blackdiamondskye.com for more info.
Sep. 16 - Chicago, IL - Charter One Pavilion at Northerly Island
Sep. 17 - Detroit, MI - DTE Energy Music Theatre
Sep. 18 - Toronto, ON - Molson Canadian Amphitheatre
Sep. 20 - Uncasville, CT - Mohegan Sun Arena
Sep. 22 - Boston, MA - Agannis Arena
Sep. 24 - New York, NY - Madison Square Garden
Sep. 28 - Atlanta, GA - Aaron’s Amphitheatre at Lakewood
Oct. 01 - St. Louis, MO - Scottrade Center
Oct. 04 - Denver, CO - Red Rocks Amphitheatre
Oct. 07 - Vancouver, BC - General Motors Place
Oct. 08 - Seattle, WA - Key Arena
Oct. 09 - Portland, OR - Rose Quarter - Memorial Coliseum
Oct. 16 - Las Vegas, NV - The Joint

I could snooze through an entire Alice in Chains set NO PROBLEMO - but why have the heavens chosen September 18th (OF ALL DAYS!!!!) for hunk central (hello again Mr. Marino - it's been so long since I've spoken about you) to land at my doorstep.
DON'T THEY KNOW THAT THAT WILL BE THE DAY THAT I ATTEMPT TO GUSSY MYSELF UP, TROMP DOWN THE AISLE, AND MARRY THE MAN OF MY DREAMS!?!??!
I wonder what my ultra conservative mother would do if I somehow bribed Mastodon into crashing the reception.

"Dudes, I know I promised an open bar - but I'd really love it if you'd stop pressuring Aunt Fran into doing keg stands!"