I'm like a loaded dad who buys their kid ponies...

Please let me introduce you to my top 5 items that help my body get through the winter months
(and in turn, show you the slightest bit of my all pink, teenage girl dream bathroom):

Item the first: Badger Balm

Got a rough patch? It'll smooth it out! Feel like your lips are about to fall off your face, and there's no chapstick in sight? It'll be your siren's song!

The deuce: Frizz Ease Secret Weapon

I came to a screeching realization a few years ago that I'll never be one of those people who spends gobs of money on their hair. So why bother with expensive products that will maayybbee make my hair look fantastic, but will not allow me the opportunity to order a pizza once in a while, because I'm FLAT ASS BROKE?!?!

TRES: Nivea First Kiss Lip Balm (way to have a twitter account, yo!)

Growing up, the only beauty secret that I knew of my grandmother's was that she STRICTLY used Nivea products. Now, when I say my grandmother was a total babe, I'm not just saying that because she was my grandma - I'm preaching the truth! My hopes are that I have some of her wicked skin genes, and that I'll ease into my retirement years w/ drop dead gorgeous skin. FINGERS CROSSED!

Vier: Burt's Bees Hand Salve

My father is one of those refined hippies that has a well paying job, and an SUV. Every Christmas, he fills our stockings with products that I guarantee, no other child gets! Take for example (if you will) this years haul: a mini frying pan fit for one egg, a deodorant crystal, and a "picture a day" calendar about the history of shoes. I LOVE YOU, DAD! YOU'LL BE HAPPY TO KNOW I'M FINALLY GETTING AROUND TO USING THE HAND SALVE YOU GOT ME!

5ive: Sally Hansen Hard as Nails

Did I ever tell you about the time I thought it'd be a bright idea to get acrylic nails?! I wish that I had a crew following me around to document my every move for about a week following that experience. Every movement, from taking my wallet out of my bag, to buttoning my jeans in the morning was complete AGONY! When the time came to remove my Flo Jo's, I was horrified to learn that my temporary claws had left my own wee nails underneath brittle, bendy, and unfit to enter into a social situation. This product took care of that problem lickety split.


meredith r. mistletoe said...

hahahaaaa I totally got a frying pan in my stocking for sure this year. A little cast-iron one, so sweet.
Also, I worked monster trucks and loved robosaurus very hard. To be fair, I also kind of dig idiot costumes like those douches had on... but I mostly like all costumes and effort to party in general.

PIZZA said...

I loved them at first (when I thought they were authentic) - but the moment dude pulled out his iPhone, their reputation (with me) went downhill.
A party is a party is a party - you're right to look at the bright side of life.


knifey said...

so huge a fan of "my products" posts. Could not be more nosy into other people's STUFFES. Cool!