Ode to Moshzilla...

Forever amused...
Please go here, here, and here.

Finder's Fee round 2309206

HELP ME FIND THIS WALLET!!!!!

Double. Dribble.

Having never been to a basketball game before, I was unaware of the bred of human being that attends such an event!
There was the robust dude in the Mexican wrestling mask shouting "DEFENCE!" whenever one of those catchy sports-related songs came over the PA, whether it be cotton eye Joe, the hamster dance, or one of Sean Paul's classics.
There were the shirtless 12 year old boys, who had an extreme love of the game, and in sheer excitement removed their shirts, and began whipping them over their heads.

There was also a portion of the game dedicated to audience participation, where a dozen or so beach balls were thrown into the crowd, and it was the job of the particular section you were sitting in, to keep your beach ball in you designated area. Too bad that whichever dunce bumped ours out of our area was then pelted with the chant "S'ALL YOUR FAULT!! S'ALL YOUR FAULT!!"

WHO THE FUCK CARES THAT I DIDN'T WIN A TRIP FOR TWO TO ANYWHERE AIR CANADA FLYS, AS THEY VERY STUPIDLY DIDN'T CHOSE ME TO A 3-POINTER SHOOT-OFF CHALLENGE?!?!
Since our team scored more than 100 points, WE GOT FREE PIZZA, Y'ALL!!!!
It must be soul crushing to the professional athletes, when all you can hear being yelled from the crowd is "PIZZA!! PIZZA!! BOOOOOOOOO!!!! YOU GUYS SUCK AT THIS!!!!PIZZA!!!PIZZA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I will have buckets to update during my next post, as tonight's activities include a birthday dinner at Hooter's, 20x the points at Shopper's Drug Mart, and a trip to the 'rippers with Heather Sanderson, and Guy Anderson.

HOLLA!!!!!!!!!!

SLOTH FRIDAY!!!

Teens in the background (please watch the link I provided - it will rocket you back to grade 10!!)

DID YOU KNOW THAT A TTC DAY PASS (ON A WEEKDAY) IS ONLY GOOD FOR ONE ADULT?!?!
AS OPPOSED TO EITHER SATURDAY, OR SUNDAY, WHEN IT'S GOOD FOR TWO ADULTS, OR ONE ADULT WITH A RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF CHILDREN BEING ABLE TO TAG ALONG BEHIND YOU!??!?

WAS IT REALLY NECESSARY FOR THE DUDE BEHIND HIS GLASS CHAMBER TO IMPATIENTLY KNOCK AT ME, AS I SO GRACIOUSLY INVITED ANOTHER ADULT TO ENJOY THE COMFORT OF A DAY PASS ALONGSIDE ME!??!?!?!

Too bad, yo - I would rather have paid my $9 to see this:


I just came in from watching He's Just Not That Into You with my dear friend, Heather Sanderson.
WHATEVER, JOCKS!!! I TOO, CAN ENJOY A MOVIE GEARED TOWARDS THE SENSITIVE FEMALE EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.....so what if the movie totally blew, and the only points worth mentioning are the following?!?!?!

the PROS would include:
- the sweet coupon that enabled us free movie snacks, as well as the opportunity to train the young man behind the concession stand, who is now fully learned on how to accept coupons, in exchange for lardy treats.
- getting to catch up with Heather, who had been kickin' it in Utah for the past few months!

the CONS would have to be:
- being seated dangerously close to an overly hormonal teen couple.
- watching Scarlett Johanson trying to look natural with a full head of pony hair stapled onto her stump of a head

All in all....I would give it 3 MadChild's (chud on the left) out of a possible 10.
BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME, DREW BARRYMORE!!!!!

FIIIIINNAALLLYYYYYYY

Remember the time...

when I placed an ad on Craigslist - wanting to be a part of a band....ANY BAND!!
An agreement was reached between a nice sounding individual, and myself, that I would meet them outside of Coxwell station, and I would in turn, "jam" with their band.
Never was the topic of musical genres approached, so I was left in the dark regarding what I would be faced with.
The mystical day came around, and I gussied myself up to the enth degree.
Nervously, I stood at Coxwell station, until I saw them.
Moon boots.
Red, goth moon boots - attached to an eerie looking goth chick with those neon dread extensions.
"OK," I thought.
"Maybe she's the one who dares to remain her 1998 self - until the end of time. MAAAYYBBEEEE, everyone else in the band will look like me?!?"



I was faced with an electronic drum kit, and a basement apartment full of fishnet
E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!!!!!!!!
I sucked it up, and endured the 3 hour practice.



IN OTHER NEWS!
The Pussycat Dolls are rehearsing over my head, and I think I've heard that EAR BLEEDINGLY BAD "Jai Ho" song more than necessary
Some dude who works nearby just walked by muttering, "Stupid broads aren't even Irish"

HAPPY ST.PATRICK'S DAY, GUYS!!!!!!!!!!

I bought a BIIIIIKKKKEEEE!!!!!!!!!

MOVE OUT OF MY WAY, ERRR'ONE!!!!!!!!!
SOME BITCH IS MOVING TO LOS ANGELES, AND THAT MEANS I BOUGHT HER DUMPY-ASSED 21 SPEED BICYCLE!!!!!!!!!!
THAT'S 20 MORE SPEEDS THAN I AM ACCUSTOMED TO, BUT I'M SURE I'LL DO SOMETHING WITH THEM!?
I'LL START BY MAKING MY OWN PASTA, STRINGING IT OFF MY SWEET NEW HANDLEBARS, AND DEDICATE ONE OF MY SPEEDS TO DRYING THE PASTA, COOL?!
THEN MAYBE I'LL TAKE UP POTTERY, AND USE ONE OF THE SPEEDS ON MY BIKE TO POWER THE KILN.....
IT'S ALL UP IN THE AIR...LEMME GET BACK TO YOU!!!
STILL - MY IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR THOSE TRYING TO JAYWALK DOWN SPADINA - WAAATTTCCHHH OOOUUUTTT!!!!!!!

Polishing Fists (don't even think about making it your band name, loser!)

Have you ever had one of those mornings where you wake up with time to spare, decide to do your hair a different way, and it turns out wickedly, and then you put on a wicked face of makeup, and feel like a total babe on the way to work?!
Yeah - shit is falling into place this morning!

SLOTHS TO FOLLOW...I'm just going to keep looking at myself in the mirror for a bit, jah?!

FREE AT LAST!!!!!!!!!

REJOICE, Y'ALL!!

CHECK OUT ROLF...IN DIAPERS

AMONG OTHER THINGS!!!!!!

For those of you who frequent the "Theatuuuhhhh"....

Do certain things throughout the production bug you so much, that you find yourself totally distracted, and unable to concentrate on the play itself?
I'm not much of a cultured soul, I will admit it - but when the middle aged woman behind you is chortling CONSTANTLY for over 2 hours, and SO CLOSE to your fuckin' head, you can feel her warm, smug breath against your neck every time she lets out a guffaw!!?!?!?!??!
UNACCEPTABLE!!!
Sure, perhaps I didn't get the same obscure James Joyce reference that you do - but YOU PAID FOR A WHOLE SEAT....USE IT!!!!!!! Don't go breathin' down my neck, like I want to feel how amused you are with the production!
My thumbs go up to the costume and set designers, as that kept my mind off of smacking a certain someone sitting behind me.
I also noticed that there was a Robert Munsch themed play being put on in the same theatre....maybe I'm more cultured than I had previously thought!

I've found my match!!!!

SWIMMING AT 7:00am AND I GO HAND IN HAND, JUST LIKE THESE BROS.
Finding something so magical, and so early on in my second coming of attempting to swim laps on a regular basis - S'TOUGH, BUT SOOOOO REWARDING!!!
Now when I raise from my 6:30am slumber, I am faced with:
- MINIMAL OLD MEN DOING BACK CRAWL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LANE.
- ONLY A FEW JOCKS (they stick to their ultra fast lane, perhaps in order to totally look like they're "feelin' the burn," all at the same time) TO PRETEND TO BE IMPRESSED BY THEIR SUPER INTENSE WORKOUT ROUTINE.
- A POOL THAT HASN'T BEEN FOULED YET...wait until the 4:00pm crowd gets there, everyone!!! EVERYONE OUTTA THE POOOOOL!!!!!
LOOKS LIKE MY ROUTINE FOR 2009 WILL HAVE ME GOING TO BED AT 8:00pm, AND WAKING UP AT 6:00am!!!!
SEE YA NEVER!!!!

SLOTH....SATURDAY!

Aerobics torture

I went to my first aerobics class of 2009 on Wednesday, and seeing as it's Friday today - and I still can't walk properly?!?
I was a nervous wreck leading up to Wednesday, as in my mind, the class would be filled with Lulu Lemon types, all wearing their matching yoga outfits, to compliment their already perfect bodies.
Needless to say, I was pleased to be joined in this class by women in their 40s, alongside some women who looked just as clueless as I did, trying to keep up with our choreographed routine of squats, and fancy kicks.
If things keep going this way, it looks like I'll be cast into Fat Joe's new video.
All I have to do is get over this hump of not being able to tie up my own shoes......OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

TO THE HERO WHO STOLE MY LUNCH OUT OF THE FRIDGE AT WORK,

THANKS!

Anyone can spell gut rot

In my dreams, people wouldn't write like deranged children when they're conversing on the internet.
BETCH. ROFLOMGLOLZOMFG. MSTRKRFT.
SHUT UP ALREADY!
Y'all able to sit upright for more than 30 seconds?!
"F'realz"
Quick!!!!
OVER HERE!!HARD HITTING NEWS!!!!!!!!